dred

On buses:

1. Overnight buses will either be freezing cold or uncomfortably warm, and there may or may not be dinner, but it will always be the opposite of what you have prepared for.
2. Dogs are allowed on overnight buses in Bolivia.
3. They will poo in the aisle, probably right next to your seats.
4. Buses can be up to 3 hours late with no explanation as to why.
5. There is no movie too violent to show on a bus.
6. 11pm is a perfectly acceptable time to start a movie.
7. If multiple movies are played, Fast and Furious 8 is guaranteed.
8. Bus companies are more than happy to repeat the same movie in trips longer than 6 hours.
9. The exception to the slow pace of life in Latin America is getting on and off buses, where it is a complete frenzy.

On taxis:

10. Taxi drivers and tour operators who hassle tourists in the street always offer a ‘good price’.
11. Taxi drivers need to make sure you know they are there by not only having a taxi sign, but also flashing their lights, beeping their horn multiple times and slowing down when they pass you, even if you have already shaken your head 5 times.
12. After negotiating a price for a taxi in Peru, Ecuador or Colombia, there is a 90% chance that the roads are ‘very busy right now’ so the fare will have to be increased.

On accommodation:

13. Places that have to advertise that they have hot water generally don’t.
14. Gringo owned hostels have at least one gringo talking about how much local culture they’ve absorbed, how much they’ve changed, and how difficult it will be to return home.
15. A surprisingly high number people think cooking a gourmet meal using three of the four available hot plates is a good idea in a hostel.
16. Male groups are the worst dorm buddies.
17. It is possible to make a perfectly fine pasta meal using only a kettle.

On customer service:

18. The line at the supermarket will always take three times as long as you expect.
19. You will get served in a corner store once the attendant is ready to serve you. Facebook and key TV scenes take priority.
20. Despite the cash economy, no one ever has sufficient change.
21. Indecisiveness and hesitation turn out to be useful unintentional bargaining tools.

On fashion:

22. Mullets are a thing in Argentina.
23. Crocs are seen as a serious footwear option.

On animals:

24. There are some cats that even Erin won’t pat.
25. Stray female dogs have a lot of teats and it looks weird.

On health:

26. Using shampoo as body wash makes complete sense and why are they even sold as separate products?
27. Erin will always get 86% more bug bites than Andrew, especially beg bug bites.
28. Gastro symptoms come in varying and previously unexperienced forms.
29. There is a relationship between willingness to sample street food and time since last episode of gastro.

On each other:

30. Andrew will think he has lost, or will actually lose, 1-2 items per day.
31. Andrew will frantically and poorly search for said lost items whilst Erin watches on, bemused.
32. We would rather wear a t-shirt for a week straight, even in 90% humidity, than face the task of rifling through our backpacks for a fresh option.
33. Erin will take 4 times as long as Andrew in booking accommodation, even though she’ll end up booking the first place she looked at anyway.
34. In this clip, from 17-47sec, Andrew = Elaine and Erin = Puddy on all public transport https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBBQdFSvvTE

On food:

35. Batidos (smoothies) are a perfectly acceptable meal and there is no limit on how many you should or can consume in one day.
36. Opening a fried chicken restaurant is always a viable business option in Peru and Bolivia, even if there are already 6 of the same type on the same street.
37. No matter how many carbs are already in the dish, in Bolivia there is always room for potatoes.
38. See #37, but replace Bolivia with Colombia and potatoes with bananas.
39. There is no better value than a quality $3 menu del dia.

On shopping:

40. There is nothing that can’t be bought at the central market.
41. The way candy street sellers seem to pull umbrellas out of thin air to sell as soon as it starts raining remains a mystery to us.

On culture:

42. There is no limit to the amount of weight a Bolivian woman can carry in the sack tied around her back.
43. Main squares are for sitting and watching other people. As are street front windows.
44. Where there are pigeons, there will be small children chasing them.
45. Andean kids are adorable.
46. You are never more than 5 days from seeing a parade.

Erin and Andrew